Conan the Barbarian in 3D is an All Too Familiar Slice of Sword and Sorcery

I imagine that like many Stargate Atlantis fans I was keen for Conan the Barbarian to do well because it could be Jason Momoa’s big break. Based on his role as the macho warrior Ronin in that sci-fi series, he had the potential to be a good fit for the fantasy warrior desperately in need of a hair brush who had last been played by Arnie in 1984’s Conan the Destroyer. It’s a shame, then, that it didn’t work out. Instead, despite its big build up, Conan the Barbarian was rapidly slain on the box office battlefield potentially leaving Momoa’s reputation in tatters.

Anyone who has seen the actor in Stargate Atlantis could be forgiven for thinking that Conan wasn’t going to be an acting masterclass. The same could be said, though, of almost any film starring Arnie and that didn’t stop him rightly winning the hearts of moviegoers. So short was the theatrical life of the new Conan, though, that it’s unlikely that many people who didn’t know Momoa before are any the wiser now.

To be fair, the film’s failure can hardly be blamed on him. The fantasy world that writer Robert E. Howard weaved around the character in the many novels Conan has appeared in has its uniquely appealing qualities. Yet you wouldn’t know it from the script of this adaptation. The events behind Conan’s journey from a baby literally born on the battlefield to the Dark Ages’ equivalent of a superhero range from the absurd (the boy is literally cleaved from his dying mother’s womb by his father in less time that it takes to cut a hot dog bun) to the tediously clichéd (cross the plot of any violent revenge movie you’ve seen with Lord of the Rings and you’ve pretty much got Conan down).

The production values are nothing to complain about but they, too, feel disappointingly familiar in the absence of an original spin. This movie would have benefited from the offbeat touch of someone like Guillermo del Toro. As it is, everything is by-the-numbers. Even the casting of Stephen Lang (Avatar, Terra Nova) as an authoritarian villain seems obvious. Given that the action also pretty gruesome, this all helps to explain why Conan the Barbarian didn’t get many bums on seats.

Lionsgate’s 3D Blu-ray release does at least make the action more visually impressive than it might have been at anything but the highest quality movie theaters. Given that the third dimension was added in post-production (Disney aside, Hollywood needs to stop doing this NOW), it not surprisingly doesn’t add much to most of the film. It does give the battlefield scenes an improved sense of scale. Like most post-processed action films, however, Conan doesn’t do the 3D format any credit. Hi-def, on the other hand, accentuates the grungy textures and the impressive level of detail in such props as the clothing, armor and the weapons. Combined with 3D it also makes the external locations feel more ‘real’ and immediate.

Blu-ray Extras: For a film that was a flop at the box office, Conan the Barbarian on Blu-ray 3D comes with a reasonable, if not outstanding, set of extra features. There are two feature-length commentaries, one with director Marcus Nispel and one featuring Momoa and co-star Rose McGowan. Also included are four featurettes focusing on the history of the character, his creator and the filming of the well-staged battles. None of these featurettes is longer than 20 minutes (and the shortest is only about five minutes) but they provide a decent introduction to the Conan universe for anyone who is unfamiliar with it.

Final Thoughts: The idea of turning the Conan saga into a potentially long running franchise must be an appealing one for Hollywood. Had this film succeeded in kick-starting a series, it could also have made Jason Momoa a superstar. Unfortunately neither he nor his employers are likely to be satisfied with the end product. Unless you are a fan of this genre and have the stomach for a more realistic blend of barbarism, you probably won’t be either.