Keep Superman earthbound. He's our true, American Hero. We have terrorists to deal with in this world and we need iconic hero worshipers to kick their butts, on screen and off. ‘Prequel-wise,’ let's begin by taking away an American 'virtue' (Superman) by some diabolically evil scheme. Say, kill Superman's frontal lobe with an energy drink, then ship him off to China to be Shanghai’d to work on a seagoing container ship. Just imagine all the things inside those containers (aside from stowaways) that our Man of Amnesia could find as he searches for answers to: why he can leap 100 feet to the crows nest, cut anchor chains with his teeth, blast away sea rust with his breath, watch 3D television without glasses. He'll wonder if it's the Vegemite he’s become addicted to since they harbored in Melbourne or simply the side effects from eating spinach that the ship’s cook Popeye, slops out daily. As the ship pulls into the port of Manhattan, with teary eyes the Man of Steel will finally recall his true identity with the help of super vision spotting the Statue of Liberty, The Daily Planet and those two gay guys relaxing in Lois Lane’s penthouse Jacuzzi. Upon unloading one of the containers, an atomic bomb is discovered and now, wrapped around the American flag and draped with the ship’s maritime signal flags that spell out the letters: W-A-R-N-E-R-B-R-O-S, Superman heroically flies the bomb away to harmlessly detonate it in outer space. Memory intact, our comic book icon has now completed the prequel to all of his movies. Wow, that was exciting.

I will then sit back and watch the sequels beginning with “Superman II” (1981) to see General Zod and his evil friends escape from the Phantom Zone when a nuke goes off in space. Oh shit, did Superman forget about that again?