Here's a list that makes me scratch my head, frankly. The website Guide To Beauty Schools has compiled a list of who they believe to be the 20 hottest male vampires ever.

Before we get to that, let me describe the problem I have with this. Vampires shouldn't be hot for hot's sake with poofy hair and eye makeup. They should be wretched, evil things, with embers for eyes and the smell of rotting fish for breath. They should scare the living daylights out of you and make you want to run and hide someplace, not head together down to the dance club, after which you follow up with a night of spooning and talking about your "feelings."  

They should have a presence that is both majestic and chilling. As described in Bram Stoker's novel, "Dracula":

How he came there, I know not, but I heard his voice raised in a tone of imperious command, and looking towards the sound, saw him stand in the roadway. As he swept his long arms, as though brushing aside some impalpable obstacle, the wolves fell back and back further still. Just then a heavy cloud passed across the face of the moon, so that we were again in darkness.

Now, no one will deny that vampires offer plenty of metaphors for sex, this we've known for years. For example, listen with your Freudian ear to the language in which Dr. Seward describes the driving of a stake into Lucy's breast by her finance in Stoker's novel:

The thing in the coffin writhed; and a hideous, blood-curdly screech came from the opened red lips. The body shook and quivered and twisted in wild contortions; the sharp white teeth champed together till the lips were cut, and the mouth was smeared with a crimson foam.

But a metaphor for sex is different from a sexy vampire, and so we present to you the below list with the following caveat: we think this whole trend of "sexy" vampires is total crap!

1. James Marsters as Spike in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
2. Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen in Twilight
3. Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman in True Blood
4. Antonio Banderas as Armand in Interview with a Vampire
5. David Boreanaz as Angel in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
6. Keifer Sutherland as David in The Lost Boys
7. Brad Pitt as Louis de Pointe du Lac in Interview with a Vampire
8. Jason Dohring as Josef Kostan in Moonlight
9. Wesley Snipes as Blade in Blade
10. Stephen Moyer as Bill Compton in True Blood
11. Gerard Butler as Dracula in Dracula 2000
12. Ian Somerhalder as Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaires
13. Tom Cruise as Lestat de Lioncourt in Interview with a Vampire
14. Alex O’Loughlin as Mich St. John in Moonlight
15. Jason Patric as Michael from The Lost Boys
16. Kellan Lutz as Emmett Cullen from Twilight
17. Aidan Turner as Mitchell in Being Human
18. Ethan Hawke as Edward in Daybreakers
19. Paul Wesley as Stefan in The Vampire Diaries
20. Stuart Townsend as Lestat in Queen of the Damned

Hey Hollywood: Can we please have real vampires back again?